I’d rather pee in the pool

After I wake up every day, while taking my morning shit, I am posed with the question; Why are fish so smart? Except the last two mornings. These mornings, my shits have been void of silly fish questions and contemplation of the silly fish answers (fish are so smart because they live in schools). This question (and, Why is it so easy to weigh a fish?) is presented to me by little fish cartoons that repeatedly pop out at me as I am trying to pop one out. But not for the last 2 mornings, because these silly, curiously ill-timed-question asking fish where on the shower curtain, which Missy took when she moved out of the house.

Bathrooms, as a rule, must be awkward, filled with pointless, stupid knickknacky things. Like grandamas house, whose bathroom has pictures of naked babies coming out of eggs, sitting in sinks and wearing little dress up bonnets (note how none of these babies are of any relation to the family). Some people’s bathrooms have too much popurie, which must mean that they have the foulest shits of all time.

Public restrooms have only one decoration, graffiti. Bars and the science library have exceptionally large amounts of graffiti. While studying chemistry I always have to read about ‘bob’ and how he will give you a BJ in the next stall over at 3 everyday, which is etched into the door. Public restrooms are always awkward, there is always the person who tries to strike up a conversation, or talking on their phone (I will admit this has been me on several occasions). My phone has always been trouble in the restroom. When I am not worrying that it will somehow fly out of my pocket and land in the urinal, leading to a disgusting sequence of events, I am freaked out about it ringing. This may not be so bad for some people, but you must understand that my ring tone is not exactly calming or quite. It is me screaming that my phone is ringing, on repeat. Which, when it rings while reliving myself, just sounds like my Johnson is screaming at me, causing strange looks from the neighbors intently staring at the cracks in the wall. I then have to recover with some kind of comment, fish jokes never go well.